Fall....

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I've had a hard time getting into the "fall mode" this year--maybe it's more letting go of summer? But yesterday I--hopefully--did the finally raking of my yard, and now I'm missing my leaves. My yard looks naked! I have 3 large maples that put on a splendid show every year.

So, since I've been out of the writing mood of late I will simply share a few photos of my fall. Enjoy. Winter is just around the corner!

My mom recently sent me this email--I think I've seen it before.

WORRY Is there a magic cut off period when offspring become accountable for their own actions?? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, 'it's their life,' and feel nothing? When I was in my twenties , I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my daughter's head.? I asked, 'When do you stop worrying?'? The nurse said, 'When they get out of the accident stage'.? My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my thirties , I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates .? As if to read my mind, a teacher said, 'Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them.'? My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing. ? When I was in my forties , I spent a lifetime, waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open.? A friend said, 'They're trying to find themselves.? Don't worry. In a few years, you can stop worrying.? They'll be adults'.? My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing. By the time I was 50 , I was sick & tired of being vulnerable.? I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle.? There was nothing I could do about it.? My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.? I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments. My friends said that when my kids got married I ? Could stop worrying and lead my own life.? I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my dad's warm smile and his occasional, ? 'You look pale.? Are you all right?? Call me the minute you get home.? Are you depressed about something'? Can it be that parents are sentenced to a ? Lifetime of worry?? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown?? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life? One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, 'Where were you?? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered. ? I was worried . ' I smiled a warm smile.?

Can any of us parents relate?
I just came back from a very fun weekend visiting my son. Car issues are the current problem. It's so easy to just fix things for our kids...make it all go away. I fall so easily into the "kissing the boo-boos good-bye" mode. Even in their 20's I hate seeing them hurt--emotionally, physically, spiritually. I'm pretty sure God feels the same way. I'm sure He cries with us, laughs with us, gets frustrated with us. The difference is that He can see the big picture and He KNOWS everything WILL be ok. We little peons here on earth hope and have faith that it will be ok. For those of us who want all the answers now...it's really hard.

The animal lover in me

My mom has a photo of me clear back in the first grade sitting on our lawn with about 20 cats all over and around me. I was in heaven! At the time we lived on a farm with land, freshly milked cows, and mice galore. As far back as I can remember we have always had animals--farm animals as well as the more exotic.


While living in Mexico, my brother would buy animals from the locals, saving the poor beasts from becoming soup. In that three year period we had a pet oppossum, a coati mundi, and even a deer. There were wild birds that would blow down from the rain forest during a storm--once even a toucan. We kept these only long enough for them to regain consiousness and then would let them loose.


And of course there were our parrots: Cotorro, Feo ("ugly" in Spanish--have you ever seen a baby parrot?), and Sopi (short for sopelote or "buzzurd"--again, have you ever seen a baby parrot?). The vocabulary of the creatures was amazing. Sopi could play a whole soccer game in spanish and english, call the cat and then bark at him, say "please" and "thank you" at the apporpriate times. He loved hot chocolate and would go from person to person saying "give me some", then "thank you". He was my parrot and preferred women with glasses and men with beards (my dad). They are truly wonderful animals.


I have already introduced you to Dude, our Newfoundland--my baby. In reality he is my daughter's dog and adores her, but until she can find a permanent home that will handle a very large, hairy, slobbery dog, he will stay with us. We had rescued two Newfoundlands in the past and have finally been blessed with one we could raise with manners!


Then there is Zeke, Dude's puppy. He is Justin's dog (again, still living with us...same story as Dude). He is a happy, go-lucky hyper dog who only wants to please you. Justin had the nerve to inform me this summer that "Zeke needs a puppy"! I reminded him that that is how we got Zeke in the first place. I am happy to announce that both dogs are becoming great fishin' dogs!



The newest additions to our family are Lola and Luigi. They are so entertaining! Last night they were each chasing the others tails. They are not too sure of the two, obviously, much larger dogs and I have the scratch marks to prove it. But everyone is beginning to settle down--we've only had them four days.



I have had so many pets over the years: Dusty, Rex, Quila, Mr. Schultz, Max, TC, Fire, Sox, Sassy, Buck, Callie, Spanky, Solomon and his many wives (rooster and hens), Freckles (lamb), on and on. God has given us so many enjoyable things to amuse us, to teach us responsibility and the true meaning of loyalty. For those of you non-animal lovers, don't worry--I have had enough enjoyment and lessons of responsibility and loyalty for all of us!

A Plug For Yellowstone, Nat'l Park

Yellowstone holds so many fun memories for me! We were blessed to live 2-3 hours drive from the park for 17 years...and we took full advantage of it. There were days we did it as a day trip, and weekends we spent camping, fishing and hiking. We have taken many friends and family to visit the national monument over the years and did it again this last weekend. It was like going home!

Two "couple friends" of Ken's and mine (a single friend of our's joined us a few days later) spent 3 full days in the park, hiking, biking, fishing and touristing. The nights were very cold--we'd wake up to frost inside our tents--but the campfires were warming inside and out. We sang, we ate, and ate, and ate. We made friends with a lone camper next to us who'd join us at the fires (I'm sure it was better than trying to sleep through our noise), join us for huckleberry pancakes in the mornings, hot drinks and pies baked over the hot coals in the evenings. There is nothing like a campfire to create comraderie.

If you have never been to Yellowstone, you need to put it on your "bucket list". If you have been to Yellowstone, you need to go again and this time spend more time in the less touristy spots--not that they are not wonderful, everyone needs to see them--but this time spend a little time off the beaten path. There are many hiking trails ranging from the short and flat to the long and steep. We've been there over 20 times I'm sure and every time we do or see something new and still haven't seen it all. We girls walked the .75 mile trail to Chittenden Bridge and on the way back a doe and her fawn were on the trail grazing along. They stopped long enough to "check us out" then continued their foraging as if we weren't there. We stopped, waiting for them to continue on, but soon realized they had no intention of moving out of our way. So we walked right by them, so close we could have pet the doe as we passed!

The boys had dreamed of biking Yellowstone for a couple of years...this was the year. They rode with us following them in the truck from the top of Dunraven Pass to Tower Fall (which by the way you can no longer hike to the bottom of for those of you who are familiar with it) going sometimes at speeds of 45 mph! From Tower they rode on to Mammoth Hot Springs where we

waited for them. We were thinking they would have an easy ride, most of it being down hill with a few rolling hills mixed in. It wasn't to be so! They had a head wind the whole way--so much so they had to pedal on the downhills. But it was an experience they'll never forget. And they all say they'd do it again.

wild life in the park is one of the most fun things, for me anyway. We saw bison (look up the difference between bison and buffalo), elk, moose, coyotes, canadian geese, eagles, hawks (all kinds of birds--a "camp robber" landed on Phil's head!), deer, ground squirrels, and...for the first time for me...wolves!!! We were fishing on Obsidian Creek (I'll do a blog later on fishing), whooping and hollering at every tiny fish caught--we are a noisy bunch--when we happened to look up across the creek and saw three gray wolves romping in the meadow like any playful puppies would--not 50 yards from us. To the left farther off we saw a larger black wolf wandering around. They would stop and look at us then continue on playing. Eventually they disappeared in the tall grass. We gathered our wits, calmed down our goose bumps and continued fishing till dark. Back at the cars a small group of people were looking off into the same meadow watching the black wolf who'd reappeared. As we stood awestruck, he lifted his head and started howling! What an amazing sound! Truly an experience I will never forget. We did not see any bears...but who cares!!!

We are already talking about our next trip to the park, planning a 3 mile hike in to Grebe Lake to catch the elusive Grayling (a less common fish), and biking the lower loop. If you want to join us let me know! It's always an adventure.

August is a pretty busy month for us. Both the kids' birthdays are in August as well as our anniversary.

When Tiff and Justin were little we would take turns having the big birthday party--alternate years. We had pirate parties with treasure hunts, Strawberry Shortcake parties, Hawaiin parties, Dalmation parties, swimming parties...you name it. Every year included a family party (usually with extended family present) as well so I don't think anyone every felt left out.


As for our anniversary, Kenny was very sure we had our yearly mini-honeymoon. I remember the year I was pregnant with Justin. We left Tiffany with my parents and went camping. The picture I have in my mind of me being nine months pregnant climbing over logs still makes me laugh. My favorite though was the year Kenny took me back to our "ole stomping grounds"-- where we met, dated, and married. He found a vacation house next door to the house I was living in when we first met that we rented for the weekend, then took me camping in the same campground we first camped together in. It was all very romantic. Our mini-honeymoons have somewhat fizzled over the last few years but we now get to do so many fun trips and we have so much time to ourselves the need for time alone isn't as pressing.


This year both the kids are out of the house so spending their birthdays with them seemed so much more necessary for some reason. We met Justin, his girlfriend and her family in a little town in the mountains and played for the weekend--fishing, swimming...eating. It was so re-assuring to see Justin truly happy and fitting in so well with them. (We are very blessed to have known her parents since before they were even married!)


(This is a picture of Ken and Justin practicing their scowling.)



For Tiffany's birthday, her boyfriend decided he wanted to surprise her with a camping trip...
and he pulled it off really well! I was definitely surprised. It rained all of the first day, but my eagle scout of a husband would have made the boyscouts proud. We enjoyed, fly-fishing, huckle berry-ing, campfire singing...and even saw a black bear. A truly fun weekend.

( This picture was taken at my niece's wedding the weekend before our camping trip--Tiff's the cute one.)

I have discovered this year that even though we no longer celebrate with pirates and clowns, birthdays are still exciting, interactive, maybe even cheaper and certainly less stressful. It's more like celebrating with dear friends and less with your toddlers. Gifts are still fun but usually more practical, definitely bigger. The party is more about the adventure and just being together than about "let's see how many friends we can fit into the living room". Don't get me wrong, I still miss those--the planning, the cake. But right now...I wouldn't trade this year's parties for anything!

Family Reunions

Personally I love family reunions, reconnecting with siblings, cousins, people we may not see but every few years. My immediate family tries to get together at least once a year which is a challenge as we are spread over the northwest including Alaska, and one of us even lives in Europe. Admittedly reunions are also a lot of work...cooking, cleaning--pre and post, planning. They may even be a just a tad stressful.

We had somewhat of a family reunion just this weekend centered around a niece's wedding. The wedding party was beautiful, the bride glowing and the scenery fantastic. But there was a lot of stress involoved. I won't bore you with all the gossip but we were left totally exhausted. Yet, amidst the turmiol, there was a lot of laughter, of course tons of food, and even an olympic style volleyball game. And...lots of conversation. I learned things that I would have thought in the 40 plus years I've been around I'd have at least heard about them in passing!

Did you know that you could kill your husband simply by making him soak his stinky feet in a pan of clorox water every evening before coming into the house? (What's your husband's life insurance policy looking like?) The spring before Ken and I were married he had been planting trees in the south. The having to wear tall rubber boots, showering maybe once a week, having his clean laundry stolen out of his truck which left him with no socks left him with the most rotten smelling feet. Taking his shoes off at the end of the day would fill our small apartment with an odor that would knock out a skunk! So...every evening he'd have to remove his socks and shoes outside the house, sit on the steps and soak his feet in a pan of well-diluted clorox. It worked! And I didn't kill him off!

Did you know that just because your man's voice is snarly and somewhat raised, his eyebrows furled, and he has that dart-throwing glare in his eyes, it doesn't mean that he's upset? The men in Kenny's family are very good at that. They all have a deep, gruff voice and piercing eyes. In fact all his brothers and he sound the same over the phone. Many years ago, I got a late night phone call from whom I thought was Kenny...and we talked and talked, for about an hour. I remember thinking, "Kenny must be having a really boring night at work. He never talks this long on the phone." When the conversation was done I asked that he stop and pick up a gallon of milk for breakfast. There was a pause, then Scott said, "Toni, this is Scott. I'm still in Alaska."

And did you know that bloggers are LAME? I couldn't believe it when my darling daughter informed me of that fact. She is having a hard time with the fact that I'm a blogger. "Mom, you should just write a book! Why waste your time with a blog?" When asked if she's even read any of these she of course said "no". And I'm thinking, then why am I being so careful with what I say about her? I could be telling such juicy stories...and there are a few! I wouldn't do that though. But why AM I blogging instead of writing a book? It did make me once again ponder. I have always enjoyed writing--I was one of those kids whose favorite class was English and grammar. I didn't always get good grades in those classes, but I did enjoy them. I do have a few ideas about book topics but we'll see what happens with those. I've begun blogging probably because it's much more cost effective than publishing a book and certainly a lot less intimidating. It also has that immediate satisfaction thing that we so often seek. It fills that need for writing I sometimes feel.

So back to family reunions. I love my family--both sides. With all our weaknesses, flaws, and frustrations, we do have a lot of fun together. Getting together helps us realize how much we miss each other--not that we're ready to move back in with each other! But it does help us remember that we need each other, even more now that we're adults. And reunions do teach us many things--things that we can pass on to the "youngsters" which they in turn can pass on down the line.

The Olympics

Kenny and I have been very busy watching the Olympics this year--more than in the past it seems. I've been keeping up with events we miss (this whole "everything's happening after I go to bed" thing is very frustrating to me--I can't stay up that late anymore AND go to work the next morning) on the internet...not quite as good as live prime time but it'll do in a pinch. And we've both been watching it in the evening as we eat our supper till it's time to go to bed.

These atheletes are amazing to me! And Michael Phelps...oh my goodness...where does he come from?! Where do they get this drive, this energy...what could I accomplish in one week if I had just the energy they put out in one race?! And that competetive spirit....I truly don't understand that. It comes at such a young age for them. Some of it is obvious--the ones who's parents both competed in previous Olympiads or were coaches. But what, again, about Phelps? I guess the question should be "how many kids are out there with that spirit in them just waiting to be discovered, let loose"? If we were to take all these ADHD kids and turn them loose in a pool, or on a bike, or something other than sitting them in front of a video game and giving them pills to quiet their energy....would we have more Michael Phelps and Justin Springs?

I have come up with a lot of questions since the games started:

Why is it that (to me) male swimmers have the perfect physiques, but on a female....just doesn't quite look right? Yet....the gymnasts bodys are very similar to the swimmers, yet female gymnasts look much better than the female swimmers????

Why do they require the female beach volleyball players to wear skimpy bikinis, but make the men wear baggy shorts and tank tops? And what is it with those lens-less glass frames!!!?

Why is pain attractive to some people?

And this whole competing in the rain thing...--me and rain---I know I'd melt.

And ping pong? Now I enjoy a good game of ping pong--round robin's down right fun...but in the Olympics?

And why is this the last year for soft ball?

And have you heard how many calories these guys and gals have to put away?!!!! No wonder they can afford to do the McDonald commercials...3 hamburgers and they have their daily quota. What they don't tell us is for the rest of us those same 3 hamburgers is our monthly calorie quota! Isn't that just a little deceiving?

How would it be to do nothing but what you love, eat and sleep....and get prizes and money for it?

What wonderful bodies God has given us! What could more of us accomplish with them if we took just a fraction of the time these boys and girls, men and women from all over the world, from all circumstances and situations take to train, to eat appropriately, to use our bodies in the way it was originally planned? How we (I) have abused these fantastic machines that could serve us so much more if we would only give up certain types of foods and....not spend our free time...sitting...watching....the....Olympics....

So many questions--some of which I'm sure many people have the answers for. But I've been having way too much fun watching and pondering, spending more time on it all than I have a right to.

"Merry Christmas in July"

MERRY CHRISTMAS, PUPPY DUDE!

In yesterday's blog (whoever came up that word?) I said someday I'd talk about Christmas--well, lucky you, today's that day! And here's why:
Today is the last day of July, making last week Friday July 25th. For almost 2o years my children and I celebrated Christmas in July every summer...this year...I had no kids to party with. It was a very sad day for me. You have no idea. I called Justin and he told me call several friends of his here in town...but everyone was busy. I STILL haven't gotten to watch my summerly Christmas movie. Ahhhhh, but tonight....and this wasn't my idea....my junior high group and I are partying it up! We're going to make fudge, make a Christmas ornament and watch a movie. So I'll get my fix...even though it won't be quite the same without Tiffany and Justin.
Yes, I AM the Christmas Queen. I love everything there is about Christmas, the lights, the baking, the smells, the colors, the family and friends, making and sending out cards, making gifts (we try our best to have a home made Christmas in every sense), the partys...even the snow. The only thing I don't like is wrapping the gifts. One year I bagged everything...it just wasn't the same though when it came to opening them. That idea was easily...bagged.
Every year we would have a birthday party for Jesus with a cake, the song, gifts for Him. He was the center of it all. When Ken and I were first married we had no ornaments or decorations. Our first year we made a salt dough manger scene, which I still have...every year I have to glue on a foot or find a way to make the star stick again. (I think our dog ate one of our sheep one year.) After Tiffany and Justin were born I made a felt manger advent calendar that I would hang on the wall and they would take turns each day hanging up the pieces. That too, every year I have to patch. When Tiff would play dress up from October well into January, she would be Mary, Justin would be Joseph.
Kenny was very good at tolerating all of this. But his main contribution to our festivities would be to spend one whole Saturday afternoon making snowflakes with the kids. I would have paper snowflakes of all sizes, designs and shapes plastered all over all the windows clear into spring, to the point where I'd have a hard time getting the tape off the glass. He was also very good at reading to the kids....of course the Christmas story--all sorts of versions, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, The Littlest Angel. As Tiffany and Justin grew so did our books...The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, The Gift of the Magi, The Christmas Carol...but never stopping the reading of the "little kid" books.
And the parties....oh my goodness! One year we had at our house the school party, the Pathfinder party, the Boy Scout Party, the Girl Scout party, the Hospital party and of course out Happy Birthday Jesus party. Our parties were never boring. We were blessed for several years with a large house with acreage on the side of a mountain with wonderful sledding trails, not for the weak of heart. We had a Newfoundland at the time so there was always what Kenny called "the horse and pony show".
As the Children have gotten older, the Mary and Joseph dress up tradition has been replaced with other things. Our most current is the "great Christmas tree hunt". This is something that both Tiffany and Justin go out of their way to be home for. Kenny's dad lives on 10 acres just 3 miles south of the Canadian border. So every year, as soon as we can gather after Thanksgiving, we and various friends do our northerly trek to my inlaws' where after our traipse through the snow (hopefuly) and collecting various quantities of trees, we enjoy a home made dinner of fried chicken or taco soup...and watch Christmas movies!
Yes...I am the Christmas Queen...to the point where Kenny had to lay down some rules. Christmas music cannot be played in the house or car before Halloween or after the month of January. Christams movies of any length cannot be played before Thanksgiving or after the month of January. Christmas cannot come out of storage before the weekend after Thanksgiving and must be put away by January 10. He did allow 2 exceptions: the weekend after the first snow of the winter (usually in October), and one evening in July. Thus tying it in with ...today, and with what this has to do with this stage of my life.
I missed my kids horribly last week! But I have found others--some who had never heard of Christmas in July (can you believe it?!)--that I can share it with. I do so look forward to grandkids--not for a few years, Tiffany and Justin--but someday. I look forward to the childish enthusiasm, the excitement and wonder, the Mary and Joseph dress up parties, to the re-living of old family traditions and the making of new ones.
So....Merry Christmas in July, every one. And may we hold Christmas in our hearts all year long!

"Movies and Me"

So last night Kenny and I were able to sit down and watch a movie for the second night in a row. Until night before last it was all we were able to do just to keep up with the Tour d' France. (Kenny's an avid cyclist--mountain and road--so the tour is a big event in our home.) I love watching movies at home, the theaters are too loud although I have to admit some flicks are best seen on the big screen.
My son Justin was always my movie buddy, maybe sub conciously that's one reason I haven't made time to watch movies lately. Last Christmas both Ken and Tiffany had to work Christmas day so we celebrated the weekend before. Christmas morning Justin and I looked all over town for a resaurant that was open. Did you know that even Denny's (at least here in CdA) is not open on Christmas morning? Surprise to me! We did find an open restaurant FULL of people. Anyway...afterwards we went to see a movie. I can't remember which one, but I thoroughly ejoyed the event.
When the kids were little, Ken worked nights so every other Saturday night was movie night, sometimes mixed with a sleepover. We'd spread blankets on the living room floor and watch movies all night. We'd have Star War marathons, Disney classic marathons, The Gods Must Be Crazy marathons, and Home Alone marathons at Christmas time. (Sometime I'll have to do a blog on Christmas--I'm affectionately known as the "Christmas Queen".)
Movies have always had a place in our home. I LOVE cartoons--everything from what they now are calling "vintage" Warner Bros. to Disney movies. But we were very careful about what our kids watched; Kenny was adamant about the ratings and even then we screened them first, I was careful about violence. (Justin would mimic anything he saw and Tiff would get night mares.) One night after spending a weekend at my parents', a place I never worried about what my kids would be watching, they came home with night mares of flying monkeys. Come to find out a family with older children had visited my parents and ended up watching The Wizard of Oz, another of my favorites. To this day Justin doesn't like that movie.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this! I could get on a soap box about how parents in general don't censor enough what their children are watching. But...nah. There are too many happy memories of mine tied in with movie watching.
How does this fit in with my current stage of life? I'm not sure. Kenny's not much of a movie person, my friends are more up and moving type people. Maybe I'll just have to everyonce in a while pull out the movie file from my brain and revel in the warm fuzzies! And that is NOT a bad thing...ahhhh, memories!

"Who Am I?"

When I was growing up "who am I?" was THE question. You don't seem to hear it as much now. And I don't think it's because kids now-a-days have it figured out. So here I am in my 40's with lots of time on my hand...trying to "find myself". The more I think about it, the more I realize we never truly do find ourselves because we are constantly growing, learning and changing. By the time we reach my age, we hope to have found our place in society, to have experienced a few of our dreams and to have discovered our true interests. Most of us have figured out that "what I do" does not usually show "who I am".
So...who am I?
Right now (and I'm sure this will change) who I am is most closely shown through my current interests, the things that I enjoy the most. So...here goes...and the order may change...
God--he's a constant study! Everyday I learn something new about Him. I depend on Him for
everything: safety--for my family and friends, for people I don't even know but see in passing
that they are having a difficult time; peace--I'm a worrier by nature and turn to Him
constantly for assurance that He is in control, as long as I let Him be in control. He won't
force even that on me!; forgiveness--for the things I do and say to others and to Him, for
helping me to forgive others for what they do or say to me; love--sometimes I can't imagine
why He loves me and shows me that He loves me, and for His love shining through me to
those I sometimes don't want to love.
Kenny--my husband. While (and it took me a while to figure this out) my happiness cannot and
does not depend on him, I am happiest when I'm with him. He is patient, loving, charming,
funny, handsome, hardworking, talented, smart, energetic, kind, tough, generous...he has
taught me so much about life, people and God. He IS my best friend.
My kids--they are my life. Every day they amaze me. They are both so strong, dependable,
hardworking, stubborn, stick to their convictions regardless of what is going on around them in
a world where that is getting harder and harder to find. They have brought me more joy than
anything else (except maybe their dad but I've known him longer). Joy is the best gift anyone
can give you.
My parents-- They have spent their life doing what they have felt is right
regardless of what even their families thought. (My kids have great roots!) In hind-sight they
may think they should have done things differently but at the time it was what they thought
was best--what else can anyone do? Their love for me and my 4 siblings is superceded by
nothing except for their love of God and each other. They are my role model.
My friends--I have more close true girlfriends now than I have had in years. The few I have
kept from my past I can still call at the drop of a hat and pick up from where we left off. The
ones I have found in the last few years I can cry on, pray with, laugh with, share with and
depend on for anything. They are strong, laugh easily, play hard and support me in every
way. We cry with each other over our kids and when a pet dies. They are my heroes.
Everything else, I've decided, is nothing but hobbies! And I have a few of those too. But these are what have made me who I am. I cannot love or thank them enough...but every day I will try!